Shocker

Recently we let a couple of neighbourhood boys to come and play in our house with Chandra and Datta. These boys are around 10 years - a little older than my boys, but wanted to play in our house nevertheless. I watched them all play for a few minutes and seeing them get along well I went inside to get on with my work. They could play any of the board games, sports, toys etc., I told them - so I was looking forward to some undisturbed stretch of time.

I got on my laptop, caught some news headlines and after a few minutes - was about to start on my tasks when Datta ran in crying.

'He's catching my balls'.

I was shocked - and didn't understand what he's saying at first. I asked him to calm down and probed him further ... for which he said again, without calming down - 'I am playing and he's always catching my balls'. I was aghast at what the kids are learning these days - and from where - at such a young age. I was about to resolve not to let unknown and half-known kids in to play. I ran out to check out who was doing that and scold them.

A plethora of thoughts ran through my mind - in those few seconds it took for me to go out into the ground. Should I find out who did it and scold him? Or explain to him what's indecent behavior and not allowed in our house? Or should I go and talk to his parents instead?

When I went out, Chandra was batting and the neighbourhood boys were bowling and fielding. Since they are a little older, they are pretty much catching any ball that went up in the air. What can I say then? I looked down at Datta and he's still sobbing, with his face red from the hurt - I understood now - for getting caught every ball.

Who's at fault here? The neighbourhood kids, Datta, Me or the language?

Swasti!!

Brains

Dr. Usha is a cleanliness freak. Are all dentists like that? Or am I lucky to get paired with one. Needless to say, I don't live upto her expectations of cleanliness. I tend to leave things behind as if I meant to get back to them, but forgot. I can't say myself for sure, if it is purposeful forgetfulness or genuine. I think in my case, the line between both has blurred a long time ago.

Anyway - coming to the present - summer vacation for kids - wake up late in the morning - mom's almost out the door to clinic - dad fixes breakfast - mess and mayhem follow....... yeah! you get the idea. Today's no different. To keep things simple, I carefully planted the idea of Vanilla Milk into their brains even while the toothbrushing is going on. Thank god, they bought into it.

They attacked some of the toys lying around while I ran into the kitchen to prepare Vanilla Milk. After mixing it up, feeling proud of getting a handy froth machine, I poured it into 3 cups, left the spoon on the kitchen counter. Yeah - lazy to just push it a little bit left so it could find its way into the sink. I placed the cups on the kids' picnic/park bench, ordering them to gulp it down by the time I come back from a visit to the bathroom.

I came back in a couple of minutes to pick up the glasses - but as usual - the milk cups were untouched. The kids were busy checking their toys after what seemed like ages for them since last night. I ran into the kitchen to mix some vanilla milk for myself. Instead of taking another spoon, my brilliant brain remembered conveniently that I didn't put the previous spoon into the sink. So, I reached out to the spoon - but my hand came back immediately with a mini shock. On seeing the ants attacking the few droplets of vanilla milk on the spoon. Where did they come from? How could they come faster from seemingly far off distance - while my kids can't reach the milk glasses within their arms reach?!

Who's got the brains here? The dad - who conveniently remembered and thought of reusing the spoon? The kids - who were making the best use of their summer vacation playing around, not even heeding to the call for milk? Or the uninvited guests, who stormed the spoon for the few drops of sweet milk, and lost their lives?!

Is there a way to draw Lakshmanrekha lines all around the house ?!

Swasti!!

All for a banana cutter

On a recent evening, Chandra and Datta were playing 'family' game with toys and after that, while taking bath, Datta said: I want to have 3 sons and 2 daughters. I felt amused and asked him why 5? That's a big family... He said - Then I can use a banana cutter. I was completely dumb found about this response - as my mind went back to late summer of last year.

Early last year, I picked up a banana cutter on sale and used it a couple of times to give the kids banana slices. The cutting was easy but I didn't like the cleaning part of it - just too many surfaces to clean. So, as is the case with a few such 'tools', it was relegated to the back of our utensil rack, never to be used again.

Then back in September last year, after they returned from their school, I was giving them a snack and gave bananas. Datta wanted me to use the banana cutter but I lazily replied you already have natural cutters in your mouth so use them. When he said he wants the banana cut into nice little pieces, I used a knife to cut it nice and even and gave him.

This happened on another occasion as well - and he asked me why I am not using the banana cutter. Then I replied - well...if we need to cut many bananas then we can use the cutter...may be for 5 kids or more. Just for 3 kids, I can quickly use a knife. Looks like that comment was with him ever since.

Interestingly, he became a picky banana eater recently and after his 'bath comment', I wanted to try with a banana cutter. Yesterday, I used it and he happily ate the banana without a word.

I wonder which other of my 'lazy' comments he stored in his mind and acting up at times... only time will tell :) But it taught me something....

Swasti!!

Too long...

Chandra has a natural affinity to academics. He loves reading, writing, math etc. Datta is quite the opposite. He complains 'but it takes tooo long' for everything. Today, he's supposed to write 5 letters (QRSTU) in his Pre-K workbook. After an hour - of which 50+ minutes was spent playing around, 6 minutes spent whining and 4 minutes writing - I checked into his work - and he finished writing only two letters.

I asked him to write 'S' as well - but he said he will write two today and two tomorrow. I asked him to write S and T today, so he can write two more tomorrow. And he gave his favorite answer - 'but naannaa... it takes toooo long'.

I said to Usha: 'If we tell him that he has to study in school/college for 18 years, he probably won't even get started with school. Shall I tell him?!" We both had a hearty laugh...and I have to see how I can make enjoy writing. hmm.... writing...and enjoy... tough proposition for Datta for sure :)

Swasti!!

'Manners are not for following'

This past Friday I had an interesting conversation with Datta - my soon-to-be 4-year old son.

Me: No computer for you today, as you were not listening. (The kids watch playhouse disney episodes on the internet)

Datta: Please naanna (dad). Can I watch Handy Manny?

Me: I said no computer on weekdays. Also, you are not listening to us. No good manners, no computer.

Datta: But I said Please... that's a good manner?!

Me: Yes, but you have to listen to mom and me as well - and follow what we say. You can't do as you please for everything.

Datta: But naanna ... good manners are only for saying. Not for listening and following....

Me: What do you mean? What are good manners?

Datta: Please, Thank You and Sorry... these are all good manners. Not listening and following....

hmm... Barney and Mickey episodes on manners have greater influence on him ...what can I say, but to burst out in laughter at his innocence and unintended humor?!

Swasti!!

Redefining ABCDs

Last evening I asked Datta, who is more interested in playing and doing rather than reading/writing, to actually sit down and write ABCDs. Needless to say, he couldn't get computer time if he didn't write them.

He grunted, complained and found no other way but to write them. So he did, threw the paper in my lap and went up to play Disney games on the computer with his big brother and little sister. After I was done doing whatever I was busy with, I looked at the paper, and to my dismay - found just A, B, C and D scribbled on it. Nothing more.

Here's the conversation that ensued:

Me: Datta... why didn't you write it all?

Datta: I did.

Me: Where? You just wrote 4 letters. Where are the rest?

Datta: You asked me to write only those four.

Me: No I didn't. I said write ABCDs - meaning, you have to write until Z.

Datta: But Z is not part of ABCDs.

I am sure scores of parents have gone through this conversation with their kids. It's almost the end of the day. No energy left to sit down and explain to him. Nor to keep him engaged with anything else either...so I resigned and left him giggle away with his siblings in front of the computer.

Swasti!!

Musings from missed cues

Some times we get lost in a train of thought or go into such expansive thinking that we miss the visible cues staring in our face.  One such amusing thing happened this morning.

Just before giving bath to Datta I removed the Diego band-aid he 'sported' for two days on his left elbow, saying his boo-boo is gone and he is fine now.  He agreed and stopped holding his hand in an awkward pose.  After the bath, while getting dressed, we were talking and suddenly we had the following conversation.

Datta: Naannaa (Dad) - how do boo-boos go away?

Me: When you eat well, and ...

D: (interjecting) Ba... it's a ba...

Me: and stay healthy...

D: (again) B'.... b'....

Me: without eating junk food, boo-boos get better and go away quick....

D: Naannaaaaa ... (in an almost exasperated tone) With a band-aid.

Me: Oh...yes!!  If we put a band-aid, it goes away!!

See... some questions warrant just a simple answer. :)  

Swasti!!

3 minus 2

One fine morning last week, the boys were getting ready to go to school when Chandra started doing subtractions on his fingers.
2 minus 2 equals......... hmm... one finger, two fingers; fold two of them and you are left with zero.... (ok...who is reading this to learn? come on... go and get an education :) )
The restless parent in me tried to teach him the 'simple fact' that if you subtract a number from itself, you always get a zero. No need to work your fingers for 'such simple' things. Not content with just 'teaching' the principle, I wanted to test him.

Me: What's 3 minus 3?
Chandra: (as usual) takes 3 fingers and starts his calculations.
Datta: (interjects and says) Zero
Me: That's good Datta. Now what's 4 - 4?
Chandra flings a few fingers out but hesitates... and then says zero
Datta: (shouts immediately) Zero
Me: See peddabbai, Datta is already getting it. You don't have to use your fingers to do this simple thing. Let's try again... 5 minus 5 is?
Datta: Zero
Chandra: Zero
Me: That's very good Datta.

Chandra is happy that his little brother is also into learning math and asks Datta a question.
Chandra: Datta what's 1 minus 1?
Datta: Zero
Chandra: Datta what's 3 minus 2?
Datta: Zero

Hmm.... the kids made me realize what a fool I make of myself at times, trying to cut short the learning process and teach them the tricks :) Datta's just having fun and that's what it is meant to be, isn't it? Every kid has to learn the basics the old fashioned way and there's no shortcut there!

Well, if I think I learnt a lesson I can apply to parenting as a whole, I'll be in for a surprise when I get back to my 'restless parent' mode again soon enough.

Swasti!!

He believes he can fly

Remember the song from Space Jam - I believe I can fly ?! Datta reminded me of it when I was driving the boys to school the other day.

I was driving and stopped at a red light. Datta was chatting non-stop about what he would do when he grows up (which is another story for another time, as he has no concept of linear time and thinking; and thinks he can be a Benjamin Button - you know what I mean!)

So anyway - when I stopped at the red light, he didn't see the red light - and asked me to keep going. I told him I can't as the light turned RED. His response was: "I want our car to fly in the sky so we don't have to stop for red lights. I want our house in the sky. I want my day-care, annayya's (big brother's) school in the sky, our play ground in the sky, walmart in the sky, temple in the sky...". Chandra caught on as well and true to their mood then, they kept on and on...until they built a whole community in the sky.

Sometimes I am scared to ask them to do anything that looks like conditioining them, lest I should stunt their creativity. Well, that's only sometimes, though. :) Let's see what they become...

Swasti!!

Obamayana

The other night while putting the boys to bed, they requested for a Rama story. Having told them some Rama stories recently, and having listened to more at the Sunday Heritage classes in the temple, they got hooked on to the Ramayana characters.

Chandra is Rama and Sugriva while Datta is Bharata and Hanuman. Sometimes they take on a third character as well. And anything slender and long becomes a bow and an arrow. Anything with a protrusion at the end, naturally, becomes a mace (gada). We have innumerable battles at home these days, and luckily for us and for themselves, both are on the same side and fight with fictitious evil, up in the air.

So, last night I thought I would tell them about the genesis of Ramayana, i.e. the story about Shravan Kumar, his old parents, Dasaratha's archery skills and the curse he incurs because of that. Yeah, I know - too much high level stuff for the little kids. Righfully so, I was jolted from my own slumber when the words Obama, change, schedule etc. started getting mixed up with the story.

I don't remember when I started dozing off and what all I was telling them - but when I looked at them, they were wide awake and with confused looks for what I was blabbering. They know Obma is the new President, but couldn't understand what Obama has to do with Rama, Dasaratha and Hanuman. At that point, I decided to start another simpler story and retold the 'Bharata pleading Rama to return but leaving with his sandals' story. And I made sure Obama wasn't part of this story.

After that the kids slept easy - but I was interested and intrigued myself with what Obama was doing in Ramayana and it was a long night for me. I could never figure out :)

Swasti !!

Imagination

Last night I was reading a bed time story for the boys. Brief synopsis: crows fighting on a tree; a pigeon lands on the tree; crows fight with it and send it away despite the pigeon's requests for shelter as it lost its way in the rain and dark skies; pigeon goes to a mango tree; lightning strikes the 'crow-tree' and hailstorm kills and injures a lot of crows that night; the remaining crows ask the pigeon in the morning how it survived; praying to god saved its life.

Once the pigeon is thrown out of the 'crow-tree', Datta said: when I become a small, tiny infant again, I will jump into the book, hit the bad crows and rescue the pigeon.

He said that with such conviction, it's not even a wish to become an infant again; he thinks it's just a matter of time before he becomes one :). I wish I had that imagination !

Swasti !!

Be Nice - Don't judge

This morning, while dropping Chandra (my first son) at school, I gave him the usual 'Safety Briefing' and added 'Be Nice' at the end - fresh from the weekend experiences when he joined Datta and almost turned the house upside down. To that, he immediately shot back - 'I am always nice'. I found myself struck by it. Or may be he felt the unspoken undertones of how I said it - as if to suggest he was not nice and better pull your act together!

After all, he is just four-and-a-half years, and a good kid. Often times I wonder if we robbed him of his childhood by having his brother when he was still one-and-a-half. And then having his sister a couple of years there after. Because, he is already playing big brother when he himself is so little. It did give him a sense of authority and pride. But at the same time, I think, he also at times feels there are smaller kids than him at home, who look up to him.

Of course, that doesn't stop him from being as naughty as he can be sometimes. And coupled with Datta, that's what he had over the weekend. That was sure to raise my blood pressure and question if I should rethink of doing some things differently. For example -

1) I am always skeptical of having the kids sleep in their own beds when they are still too little. For one thing, I feel it makes them feel insecure - although the western culture argues the exact opposite.
2) The next point I ponder over is whether or not we made the right decision to put him in a public school for Pre-K, even though there's a Pre-K available in the Day-Care he has been going to for over 3 years now - and which helped nurture his developing abilities.
3) Are we doing enough as good parents - should I spend more time over the weekend and take them to Indian cultural classes conducted at the local temple where they teach the religious hymns, tell moral stories and talk about good manners etc?
4) May be I should get into the habit of reading/telling stories that I was told when I was a kid (and generations before me, in India) - to inculcate good manners in them
5) these and many more such thoughts flash through my mind whenever I see something 'not to my liking' in them.

And then the other part of me rationalizes with me saying he is a little kid - and he is just being a little kid. No point over analyzing things that kids naturally do. It's all part of their growing up process. I guess it's a situation all parents go and grow through, at times questioning their own parenting skills and reassuring that they are just being themselves and there's nothing to be concerned about, after all. Or is it just me, thinking wishfully that I am part of a bigger group of like parents?

So anyway - getting back to the plot of this post - when Chandra gave me that response 'I am nice' - I resolved (for n'th time) in my mind - not to be judgemental. That's one thing I keep working on - and this incident reinforced me to be more vigilant about what I say and how I say it. Because kids take it from their parents easily and as a gold standard. I did not mean he was not nice earlier, but probably the way I said it gave it up. And if his little mind was able to pick it up, I think I really messed it up. By being careful myself, I can help him grow into a person better than me. I have been trying myself for years to become a ' better me' - and I tell ya'... I am still working on it :)

Swasti!