Be Nice - Don't judge

This morning, while dropping Chandra (my first son) at school, I gave him the usual 'Safety Briefing' and added 'Be Nice' at the end - fresh from the weekend experiences when he joined Datta and almost turned the house upside down. To that, he immediately shot back - 'I am always nice'. I found myself struck by it. Or may be he felt the unspoken undertones of how I said it - as if to suggest he was not nice and better pull your act together!

After all, he is just four-and-a-half years, and a good kid. Often times I wonder if we robbed him of his childhood by having his brother when he was still one-and-a-half. And then having his sister a couple of years there after. Because, he is already playing big brother when he himself is so little. It did give him a sense of authority and pride. But at the same time, I think, he also at times feels there are smaller kids than him at home, who look up to him.

Of course, that doesn't stop him from being as naughty as he can be sometimes. And coupled with Datta, that's what he had over the weekend. That was sure to raise my blood pressure and question if I should rethink of doing some things differently. For example -

1) I am always skeptical of having the kids sleep in their own beds when they are still too little. For one thing, I feel it makes them feel insecure - although the western culture argues the exact opposite.
2) The next point I ponder over is whether or not we made the right decision to put him in a public school for Pre-K, even though there's a Pre-K available in the Day-Care he has been going to for over 3 years now - and which helped nurture his developing abilities.
3) Are we doing enough as good parents - should I spend more time over the weekend and take them to Indian cultural classes conducted at the local temple where they teach the religious hymns, tell moral stories and talk about good manners etc?
4) May be I should get into the habit of reading/telling stories that I was told when I was a kid (and generations before me, in India) - to inculcate good manners in them
5) these and many more such thoughts flash through my mind whenever I see something 'not to my liking' in them.

And then the other part of me rationalizes with me saying he is a little kid - and he is just being a little kid. No point over analyzing things that kids naturally do. It's all part of their growing up process. I guess it's a situation all parents go and grow through, at times questioning their own parenting skills and reassuring that they are just being themselves and there's nothing to be concerned about, after all. Or is it just me, thinking wishfully that I am part of a bigger group of like parents?

So anyway - getting back to the plot of this post - when Chandra gave me that response 'I am nice' - I resolved (for n'th time) in my mind - not to be judgemental. That's one thing I keep working on - and this incident reinforced me to be more vigilant about what I say and how I say it. Because kids take it from their parents easily and as a gold standard. I did not mean he was not nice earlier, but probably the way I said it gave it up. And if his little mind was able to pick it up, I think I really messed it up. By being careful myself, I can help him grow into a person better than me. I have been trying myself for years to become a ' better me' - and I tell ya'... I am still working on it :)

Swasti!